so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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