I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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