you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
