i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Do vagina's smell?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You have to summon your inner elephant
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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