So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
