I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
