When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Someone shit on the floor
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize