I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I am midnight drunk by noon
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
