my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
