I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize