i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
