And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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