Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
