then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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