he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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