Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
