you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
