having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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