I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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