Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
