I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize