I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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