We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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