my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Randomize
