if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
