i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
that's an acceptable place to lick
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
