I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
