he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
