as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
