the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
