Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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