how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
