i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
