just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize