how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Drunk is not a location!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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