Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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