It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
