I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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