so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
