Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
