I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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