we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
