Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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