Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
