Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
