The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize