So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
