my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
