I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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