my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
