The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
