Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
