i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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