No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
