I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
