At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Randomize