you guys were way drunker than both of me
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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