I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
