I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
