This girl is more easily done than said...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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