On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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