so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
