But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You can't just leave with hair like that
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
