I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize