You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
