So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
