I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
