My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
