My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
