I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
