Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
