He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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