this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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