youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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