My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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