.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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