Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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