when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just threw up on my dentist
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
