Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
