dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
