you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
