I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
