I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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