well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
