I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize