do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
