Have you finally orgasmed yet?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
