Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
