I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
