just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize
