I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
