Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
