drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
