I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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