Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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