I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
4 words: hood of his car
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
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